Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ln other words, the only way someone can make you feel bad is if you give them that power and allow their words or behavior to define the opinion you have of yourself.
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Others can certainly say or do things that upset you. They can make life difficult, behave like a jerk, or be a real pain in the you know what. But the real reason others get under our skin is that we allow their antics to define our reality. We let them drag us into their twisted world. If we didn’t put so much stock in their opinion, the mean things others do wouldn’t affect us nearly so much.
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Of course, this is easier said than done. If someone calls you a big dumb poopy head, you’re bound to get upset. It doesn’t matter whether you know your head isn’t made of poop. It doesn’t matter that this is a silly insult that a toddler might use. You want people to like you, and so the mere fact that someone is expressing hostility towards you is bound to make you angry and upset. It’s going to make you feel bad. We care about what others think, and want them to think well of us.
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Humans are in a tricky position: One one hand, it’s important to listen to what others have to say and consider their opinion. We’re a social species. We live in groups and depend on one another for support, both physically and emotionally. Which means it’s important to be attuned to what the people around us are thinking. We must be aware of what people think of us and how our behavior affects others. We need to be open to criticism, even if it isn’t pleasant to hear. Somebody who doesn’t care at all about what others think is a sociopath, which isn’t a very good thing to be. Other people don’t like to be around someone who only thinks of themselves or has no regard for others.
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On the other hand, we can’t let ourselves get so caught up in what other people think or say or do that we let them work us like a puppet, pulling a certain string and then watching as we bounce around and bend to their every tug. After all, just because someone has a certain opinion, that hardly makes it true.
Some people say things just to be mean. Some people put others down just to lift themselves up. And some people are simply ignorant or confused. So you have to take hurtful comments in stride. After all, people strongly believed they were right when they thought the earth was flat, or that women and girls should be treated as inferior, or that people with a darker skin weren’t as smart or capable as people with white skin. These ideas weren’t just ridiculously wrong, they were utterly atrocious.
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So if someone is being critical or saying things you don’t like, take a moment to reflect on the situation: Why are they saying this? What is their motivation? Have I done something wrong, or are they just being mean? Would most people see things the same way that they do? ls their criticism meant to be productive, or are they really just trying to drag me down?
None of us are perfect. We all have things we could work on. So when others are critical of you, take a moment to reflect on whether this criticism might have merit. If you did make a mistake, that’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes.
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But also remember that just as you aren’t perfect, the opinions of others are far from perfect, too. Their opinion is just 1 of around 7 billion other opinions on Earth. They may be trying to redefine your reality and trap your mind in a tiny little box so they can control it. Don’t give them permission.
The end!
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