Helping Suicidal Children & Teens

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Once you’re aware that someone you know is on the edge, there needs to be ongoing support for children and teens. It’s crucial that you become this person’s advocate, helping them through this tumultuous time in their life and ensuring they live to see the other side of it.

*If you reached this page looking for immediate help to deal with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for assistance.

Why suicidal kids don’t always get the help they need

Unfortunately, far too many children are slipping through the cracks, their cries for help going unfulfilled until it’s too late. Slaby & Garfinkel (1994) outline 7 primary problems that can often prevent a suicidal youth from getting the help they need:

  1. Adults often take the attitude that a teen is being “manipulative” or merely seeking attention. They may even make insensitive remarks such as “who do you think you’re fooling?”

  1. Throughout the community, there is a shortage of people who are knowledgeable about the mental health needs of adolescents.

  1. There remains a stigma associated with mental illness that can keep teens from acknowledging problems or seeking help.

  1. Even when help is available and offered, there is a reluctance of teens to comply with therapeutic directions for seeking help, or teens are unwilling to discuss their emotions with others. Boys, especially, are uncomfortable talking about their feelings.

  1. Once a teen is flagged, there is often a lack of follow through. Counseling sessions may be stopped after just a couple of meetings. Many teens will feign recovery or rationalize a reason to reject or stop counseling before it can be truly effective. Parents also sometimes act as an impediment to recovery. Many parents feel ashamed and stigmatized to have a child who is suicidal, and so counseling can be uncomfortable. They may be just as eager to see it stop as the teen.

  1. Adding to the problem are systematic gaps in the availability of services. Some schools can offer on-site counseling, whereas other districts can’t afford it. Some areas of the country even face a shortage of qualified mental health staff. Then there are health insurance issues, which can interfere with a child getting the help they need.

  2. Finally, they cite a lack of practical, realistic information about adolescent depression and mental health that is available to teachers, coaches, and others who work with kids directly.

Helping suicidal children and teens

Here are some important aspects of providing ongoing help for suicidal youth:

  1. Try to get teens into treatment

Encourage a child to get professional help. If it is not your own child, talk with the parents about the importance of taking this situation seriously. If you can, suggest someone you’ve seen, or suggest that you go along with them and enroll in sessions yourself. (If nothing else, you could spend a few sessions with a psychologist talking about how to best help someone who is suicidal.)

  1. Don’t let your guard down

Continue hypervigilance in the early stages of treatment. One study found that suicidal thoughts and attempts were 4-times more likely during the first 10-days of treatment than they were after 3 months. (TCCY, 2004) While therapy helps in the long term, in the initial phases it can represent another undesirable change for the adolescent or be perceived as proof that they are broken, and many antidepressants or antipsychotics administered can interact in strange ways that lead to suicide. So continue your vigilance, even as a youth enters treatment.

  1. Keep in constant contact with the teen

Call regularly to check in and see how they are doing. If it’s your own child, you should be asking this at least twice a day. Often people become suicidal in part because they assume that nobody cares or that their life isn’t worth anything. The more you can show them that you do indeed care, the less likely they are to commit suicide.

  1. The busier the youth, the better

Try to keep the child busy with activities. When teens become depressed, they tend to withdraw and lose energy for life, which only reinforces the cycle of depression. So if you know someone is struggling, invite them along whenever you go out to do something. Without being too pushy or too obnoxious, take it upon yourself to get this child involved in social activities and to expose them to experiences that might bring them joy.

  1. Develop ongoing interests

Look for ways to get a youth involved with sports or hobbies. Organized sports can be a big benefit, since they provide both social interaction and a rewarding activity at the same time. But if you can get a teen involved in a hobby, this is also of great benefit. Having at least one aspect of life that they can draw enjoyment from can often mean the difference between life and death.

  1. Address issues of hurt & criticism

Insecurity, ridicule, judgment, criticism – these are the feelings that incubate suicidal thoughts. These types of social pains are the most powerfully destructive emotions we feel, and every suicidal person is awash in these feelings.

Slaby & Garfinkel write about how important it is to convey to teenagers: “that they must let go of the hurt and move on. That should be their focus. Until they can put the pain behind them, they will continue to struggle with how to let it go. One of the most destructive forces interfering in the process of letting go is criticism. The criticism needn’t come from others; in its most potent form criticism comes from within. The teen’s punitive side has already judged him or her harshly for real and imagined wrongdoings. ‘I deserve to die’ is a phrase read too often in suicide notes. Teens who talk about their fear of criticism – from their parents or others – most fear their own harsh self-criticism. The suicidal adolescent is his or her own judge, jury, and executioner rolled into one.” (1994, p. 190)

This is a big topic that can’t be properly addressed here. (We recommend our e-book: The Resilient Mind.) But here are a few quick tips:

  1. Share your own criticisms of yourself so that they understand that they’re not the only ones who feel inadequate at times.
  2. Give praise and compliments. Not in an obnoxious or apparent way, but look for ways to offer honest, genuine words of encouragement that might serve as a counterbalance to a person who often feels as though they can’t do anything right.
  3. Go out of your way to exhibit a non-judgmental attitude yourself, not just towards this person, but towards everyone and in your everyday life.

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