Putting children down can be a subtitle form of abuse. Subtle put-downs may fall short of verbal attacks, but they can be every bit as devastating to the child

Examples of adults putting kids down

“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“You’re such a disappointment.”
“Mommy used to be happy before you were born.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I guess I can’t depend on you for anything.”
“Can’t you ever do anything right?!”
“None of this would have happened if you weren’t so (fill with insult of choice)”
“Don’t you ever think before you do stuff?”
“Stop being so stupid.”

These put-downs accomplish the same result as direct attacks: the child feels injured and bad about themselves. In fact, in many ways they are more insidious, because their subtle nature allows them to sneak in under the radar of the child’s defenses, planting their message without raising the red flags that direct attacks do. It’s easy to spot hostility that occurs through direct attacks, whereas subtle put-downs can be more deceptive and more readily assimilate themselves into a child’s psychology, particularly when they occur repeatedly.

There is never a valid to put children down. Even when kids make mistakes, critique and/or criticism can be provided without putting a child down or attacking their identity in the process.

See also:

• Adults Putting Children Down
• What Is Verbal & Emotional Abuse?
• Types of Verbal & Emotional Abuse
• Prevalence of Verbal & Emotional Abuse
• Calling Children Names
• Criticizing, Comparing & Blaming Children
• Effects & Consequences of Verbal & Emotional Abuse