Attitudes That Promote A Positive Self-Esteem In Children

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Promoting a positive self-esteem is as much about the internal templates children and teens maintain as it is anything happening with the outside world. So you can improve your child’s self-esteem quite a bit just by promoting certain mental scripts. Here are some core ideas that will help facilitate a positive self-esteem in children:

Everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses
No one is perfect, but everyone has their own unique talents. There are some things kids will be good at and some things they aren’t so good at. This is okay, and there’s nothing shameful about not being the best at everything.

You can’t get everyone to like you
Even if you were the most wonderful person in the world and 90% of people absolutely adored you, there will always be those who, for reasons beyond your control, don’t seem to like you. Even celebrities adored by millions of people have their legions of haters. You can’t get everyone to like you, so don’t bother trying. Just focus on being the type of kind and generous person that others want to be around, and don’t go chasing the approval of those who are reluctant to give it.

The world often has flawed priorities
The outside world spends a lot of time focusing on superficial things that matter very little in the grand scheme of things: clothes, money, possessions, fads, status, false popularity, and so forth. These often trump much more meaningful things like love, friendship, compassion, experience, wisdom, and so forth. Don’t let yourself get suckered into adopting other people’s priorities. Just because others make a big deal out of something doesn’t mean you have to.

Success comes through effort, not talent
Skill and competence are earned, not given. Even if someone is born with a lot of natural talent at something, those who put in more effort can surpass them in skill.

Growth only comes through failure & adversity
We don’t grow when everything goes smoothly. Growth can only come from being challenged, and this requires experiences which are difficult or that make us uncomfortable. Just as a weight lifter must strain themselves and “feel the burn” to grow big muscles, growing as a person requires enduring things that are challenging.

Mistakes are a necessary part of learning
Mistakes aren’t a bad thing per se, though our society often makes them out to be. Mistakes are a prerequisite to learning. We can’t learn and grow without making mistakes along the way.

Practice makes perfect
If you’re not good at something in the beginning, you can continue to work on it to get better.

Success comes from not giving up
The one key difference between highly successful people and everyone else is that the former persist and keep working at something even when they struggle or encounter setbacks. Success comes through perseverance.

Winning isn’t everything
Capitalist societies are steeped in competition, which skews our perspective about what’s truly important. But things like competition, compassion, comradery, and so forth are AT LEAST as important as winning, if not much moreso. Don’t lose sight of this. If you regularly emphasize that worth comes from other things besides winning, it will go a long way towards giving your child a positive self-esteem.

Laugh at yourself
People take themselves way too seriously. When you watch a sitcom, take notice of how many jokes revolve around human foibles and conflict. We’re able to see the humor when we’re detached from the situation, but when it comes to our own life, our ego gets in the way. So lighten up. Laugh at yourself. If you can’t find a bit of humor in your own foibles, you’re missing out on the greatest joke of all time.

Other people are insecure too
Other people are just as self-conscious as you are. Other people have their own mistakes, their own embarrassments, and their own problems to worry about. In fact, even when it seems like others are focused on scrutinizing you, such as when kids tease or make fun of you, it’s almost always just a means to deflect the focus away from themselves and their own internal insecurities. Other people usually aren’t as focused on you as you think they are.

For more information on promoting positive self-esteem in children, see the following pages:


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