There’s been a lot of focus on improving children’s self-esteem in recent years. Parents wonder whether their child’s self-esteem is high enough, and schools buy expensive curriculum programs aimed at raising self-esteem in children.

Everyone wants their child to have good self-esteem. Yet like many of the other childrearing fads to have swept through modern culture, there’s a lot of confusion about what self-esteem is and how to best promote it.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is best described as the collective feelings of confidence, pride and self-worth a child feels inside that allows them to feel good about themselves. It’s about laying down an internal foundation that allows children to feel confident, capable, worthy and valued.

Why is self-esteem important for children?

A body of research has found that kids lacking in self-confidence and/or a positive self-image struggle on a variety of different measures in life. If kids think of themselves as a worthless, good-for-nothing person who can’t do anything right, this is going to adversely affect not only their mental health, but their ability to achieve things throughout their life.

Whether you’re talking about doing well in school or managing everyday life, half the battle in any given task is mental–possessing the confidence that you can successfully do something, then mustering the willpower to see it through. When children have a low self-esteem this mental confidence is lacking, and they’re more likely to struggle, give up, or not even try in the first place. Which is why professionals worry about children’s self-esteem.

That said, self-esteem gone awry can easily turn into narcissism. Which is why it’s so important for parents and teachers to promote self-esteem in the proper way.

Things that influence a child’s self-esteem

A child’s self-esteem can be influenced by any number of factors. Some of it is temperament based; kids who are shy or reserved by nature are more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues than those kids who are bold, fearless and outgoing. The strength of a child’s attachments and the amount of love and affection they receive is an important factor. Negative life experiences such as abuse and bullying can obviously play a role, as can parenting style: parents who hover or try to do too much for their children can impair their child’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem can also naturally ebb and flow throughout a child’s life. According to psychologists, we tend to experience our lowest levels of self-esteem during adolescence, then spend the rest of our lives trying to build it back up again. (Smith & Rideout, 2021) A child’s self-esteem can also be shaken by significant life events, such as enduring a divorce.

Additional information on self-esteem in children

The following pages will teach you everything you need to know about self-esteem in children:

The Self-Esteem Trap: Wrong Ways To Promote Children’s Self-Esteem
Professionals have been promoting self-esteem for many decades now, only to see rates of depression and anxiety in kids skyrocket. The reason for this is that adults have gone about this task in all the wrong ways. From participation trophies, unearned praise and misguided attempts to eliminate any hardship or criticism from children’s lives, this page explains why many of the things adults do to promote self-esteem simply don’t work.

Low Self-Esteem in Children
Are you worried your child has low self-esteem? This page explores signs of low self-esteem in children and talks about what causes it.

Contributors to Self-Esteem (coming soon)
A list of variables that contribute to positive self-esteem in children, so you can get a better idea of the big picture of what goes into your child’s self-identity.

Improve Your Child’s Self-Esteem
This page contains simple guidance on how to boost your child’s self-esteem, helping parents and teachers promote self-esteem of the authentic variety.

Ideas & Attitudes That Promote A Positive Self-Esteem
Self-esteem comes from within and is as much about attitude as what happens in the world. This page discusses those psychological belief systems that will help kids maintain a positive self-esteem.

Tools & resources to promote positive self-esteem in children

Our teacher’s area contains a self-esteem curriculum full of activities to boost self-esteem, as well as self-esteem worksheets and self-esteem coloring pages. Parents might also find these resources useful.

References & citations for our self-esteem in children area:

• Smith, C., Rideout, S. (2021) “Lift your own spirits,” Readers Digest, March, pp. 20-22
• Thompson, M. (2012) “Flying solo,” Parents, May, pp. 116-122
• Gottlieb, L. (2011) “How to land your kid in therapy,” The Atlantic, July/Aug., pp. 64-78
• Elias, M. (2008) “Study: Today’s youth think quite highly of themselves,” USA Today, Nov. 19, p. 7D
• Solnik, D. (2012) “The other F word,” Parenting, June, pp. 78-81
• Subotnik, R.F., Olszewski-Kubilius, P., Worrell, F.C. (2012) “Nurturing the young genius,” Scientific American Mind, Vol. 23(5): 50-57
• Werner, E.E., Smith, R.S. (1992) Overcoming the Odds: High Risk Children From Birth to Adulthood. Ithaca, NY: Cornell Univ. Press
• Patz, A. (2010) “Failure is an option,” Parents, Nov., p. 84