Kids looking at pornography is a common concern among parents, partly because it’s such a prevalent occurrence, and partly because parents are terrified of what their child might see and how this will affect them. “It is very common for me to get phone calls from devastated parents who are dealing with first-time porn exposure after a sleepover,” says Melanie Hempe, founder of Families Managing Media. (Jargon, 10-9-2019)
Exposure to pornography can occur at just about any age and in many different ways. Some kids stumble upon it accidentally. Others seek it out on their own accord, after learning of its existence through the media. Some receive a tip on how to find it from a friend or sibling. And children are known to have shared porn wherever children gather: at school, on the bus, during playdates, or during a sleepover. In any case, this information will help parents and professionals address the issue in a productive way.
At what age do kids start looking at pornography?
The average age of first viewing pornography was 11-years-old in 2013, and continuing to rapidly fall. (Finn, 2013) More recent research by Jesse Weinberger found that children now start to consume pornography at an average age of 8-years-old. (Freed & Samuel, 2019) Keep in mind this is the average age; some kids may not view it until later, but others are exposed even sooner. As Melinda Wenner-Moyer states, “age restrictions [on pornography] have become meaningless” in the Internet age. (Wenner-Moyer, 2011, p. 14)
How common is it for children & teens to view pornography? Some statistics on kids & Porn
There isn’t a lot of study on the topic, but what research does exist suggests some degree of viewing pornography is virtually universal among children and teens. First, the average age of first exposure suggests the majority of children are discovering it rather early. Granted, many of these cases are accidental exposures or isolated incidents of sexual curiosity, but it’s very clear that many others are not. In fact, “porn” consistently ranks as one of the top search terms among the elementary school population, especially as you climb up into children in grades3 through 6.
As for teens, one study found 98% of adolescent boys and 76% of adolescent girls report consuming R-rated pornography. (Owens et al., 2012) It’s likely that this gender difference isn’t actually as wide as this data suggests; even in anonymous surveys, people skew their answers toward social expectations, and so girls are generally more reluctant to admit to such behavior. But in any case, it suggests that AT LEAST three-quarters of the 12- to 17-year-old population views pornography at least occasionally.
The internet gets a lot of blame for exposing kids to pornography, and technology is certainly helping to drive down the age at first exposure. The I has made vast quantities of pornography readily available. However, the truth is that the internet didn’t create this phenomenon. Kids have always had some exposure to pornography. The only difference is that now instead of fishing out the nudie magazines or porno films their parents or older siblings kept stashed away, they access it through a digital device. So the mode of transmission may be new, but the phenomenon of kids accessing pornography is not.
Why do kids look at pornography?
Prepubescent children view pornography for many different reasons. Let’s start with the easiest reason for parents to swallow: It’s often a matter of simple curiosity. Kids have always been curious creatures, and this curiosity extends to issues of sex. They’ve always been eager to discover more about the bodies of others, especially when it comes to the opposite gender. In fact, nearly all kids exhibit voyeuristic behavior early on, only to have these curiosities thwarted by adults. They’re also curious about all matters sex, even if they don’t know precisely what sex entails. Viewing pornography can satisfy many of these curiosities at once.
The fact that such material is a “forbidden fruit” only makes it that much more alluring. Gaining access to something they’re not supposed to see can be thrilling, offering a sense of excitement. Kids are also looking for every opportunity to prove their maturity and show they are more grown up. Therefore viewing pornography or gaining knowledge about sex can make them feel more mature, which is something every kid desires.
Sometimes peer pressure may lead them down this rabbit hole. If viewing pornography is something all the other kids are doing, they too may become interested in it just to fit in. In the same way that your child just has to have that new pair of shoes that will earn them the admiration and respect of peers, viewing pornography can give them bragging rights or help them fit in.
Some kids may watch it as a joke. They think it’s funny, silly or amusing. For them it’s sort of like watching a strange human circus; they’re not quite sure exactly what they’re seeing but they can’t turn away.
Now for the explanation that isn’t so easy for parents to swallow: children and teens seek out pornography for all the same reasons adults seek it out. By adolescence youth have all the same instincts and inclinations as an adult. In fact, teens are a fairly horny bunch, and adolescents actually have hormonal surges and sexual drives that are stronger than the typical adult. So once a child begins undergoing puberty, pornography can be as appealing to them as it is to anyone else.
In fact, Nightline not too long ago did a segment on young teens and their growing love for porn It described how many teenagers worship porn stars like they’re celebrities, and some of the most ardent followers of porn stars these days are underage teens. They revealed examples of letters young adolescent girls had sent to porn stars, confessing their love and offering themselves up as sexual partners. (Levitt, 2012)
Younger kids certainly aren’t exempt from viewing pornography for pleasure, either. Puberty marks the intensification of the sex drive, not the start of it. (Gormly & Drodzinsky. 1993) Prior to puberty, children still have erotic instincts, it’s just that they’re more diffuse (i.e., less oriented in a particular direction), and toned down from what will come later. Yet they still might have a sex drive that’s 40% or 60% or even 80% of the typical adult. There seems to be a wide degree of variability from one child to the next. I’ve known some 4-year-olds who behaved like love-struck teenage girls, and I’ve known kids much older who were completely disinterested in the opposite gender, or who thought a girl’s only purpose was to be target practice for whatever you could find to throw at her. I’ve literally had one young girl in my class who thought boys had cooties while another the same age was professing her desire to lick the nude body of a certain Backstreet Boy. There’s so much variability from one child to the next, and some kids are very erotically inclined, even from a young age.
Which means even prepubescent children might view pornography for the same reasons adults do. You’ll sometimes hear experts say that when younger kids in elementary school view porn, they “have no idea what they’re doing” or that such an activity has nothing to do with eroticism or sex. This, quite frankly, is delusional. Most kids this age know exactly what they’re looking at, and while not all younger kids look at porn with erotic interests in mind, it’s clear that many do. Centuries of research in child development has clearly shown that even prepubescent children can harbor such interests.
Often times what starts off as simple curiosity transforms into something more once a child discovers the excitement or arousal it provokes. Kids may seek it out for simple curiosity or for a laugh with friends, only to then start viewing it on their own in private.
Each child has their own unique motivations, and one child may view pornography for entirely different reasons than another. But its important parents not delude themselves and automatically assume that sexual interests couldn’t possibly be a factor. Sticking your head in the sand and assuming it’s all innocent curiosity might help you feel better, but ignorance isn’t the best parenting strategy.
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