Masturbation is the most commonly observed sexual behavior in children. Unfortunately, this fact often eludes the awareness of adults. In 2005, 4 neurologists conducted thorough examinations on 12 preschoolers who had been referred to their New York clinic for “movement disorders.” The parents had observed unusual behavior, and were worried their children might be having seizures. All were girls, which I think speaks volumes about the gender-bias when it comes to parental anxiety about sex.
After thorough investigations that included videotaping the children, they concluded the girls were engaged in ‘gratification behavior,’ a term the doctors felt was easier for parents to swallow than ‘masturbation.’ They noted that the distinction between self-pleasure and seizures can sometimes be difficult to spot, since both can leave children off in a world of their own with a glassy-eyed, fixed gaze. The one key difference that discerns the one from the other, they said, is that children don’t get annoyed when you interrupt them during a seizure. (Rowe, 2007)
Throughout my years working in child care, I would periodically have parents come to me and tearfully confess that they had caught their child masturbating, certain this was something only their child did, and equally convinced it must be a sign that something was seriously wrong with their youngster. Little did they know that many of their child’s peers did the same thing on their cots every day at nap time.
If you reached this page because you’re one of those concerned parents, the following information should help put your mind at ease. It will help you understand what’s normal for children, while providing guidance on how to best respond.
Is it normal for children to masturbate?
Completely normal. All primates, humans included, do this more or less instinctively from early childhood on.
How common is childhood masturbation?
There aren’t really any good numbers on the subject, since research is so scarce and most of it relies on parent reporting, which is notoriously unreliable. Even when such behavior occurs directly in front of adults, they’re liable to write it off as something (anything) else, much like the parents cited earlier who instead assumed their child was having a seizure.
Direct observational studies suggest the behavior is virtually universal. One study that observed children in a nursery setting through one way glass over a period of a couple of years found that all the children did this, usually emerging at around 15-24 months and growing into more overt and sophisticated activity a they grew. (Roiphe & Galenson, 1981) The degree to which this behavior is expressed probably depends on a combination of the unique traits in the child and the type of environment they’re raised in.
In one of the Pre-k classrooms I worked, approximately two-thirds of the kids would play on their cot during naptime. Some did it occasionally, but for most it was pretty much a daily occurrence. I think the only difference between this group of kids and others is that teachers in this center actually followed developmentally appropriate practices and didn’t scold children for such behavior or prevent them from doing it. If all environments were similarly accommodating, it’s safe to say this type of behavior would be universal. In societies without such restrictions, such behavior is routine. (Ford & Beach, 1951) In addition, feral children are observed to masterbate regularly and without regard for those around them, while also engaging in other sexualized behavior. (Kornblum, 2000, p. 129) Which suggests social constraints and the degree of freedom allowed directly influences the degree to which children do it.
At what age do children start masturbating?
Ultrasound studies have observed fetuses masturbating from inside the womb as early as 20 weeks of gestation. (Meizner, 1987) So the tendency toward such behavior is present pretty much from the moment these sensory systems come online. After birth, kids usually rediscover the habit sometime during their preschool or school-age years, depending on the environment. Some kids may discover it early, repress the habit, and then rediscover it later on.
Masturbation among infants and toddlers
My own experience is that intentional, overt masturbation is relatively rare during the first 3 years of life. Children this age will certainly touch themselves from time to time, and may even do so for the stimulation it provides. But it rarely holds their interest for long. There’s simply too much else to explore, and a child’s attention span is so short at this age that their focus is easily captured and redirected toward something else.
That said, it’s not unheard of for infants and toddlers to masturbate in a more focused and pronounced fashion. In the Kinsey studies, there were records of 6 infants under the age of 1, including a 7-month old, observed to masturbate. One mother reported her infant son had a habit of rubbing against a doll head to stimulate herself. (Kinsey et al., 1951) In another study, a mother reported her daughter, not quite 1, would throw stuffed animals on the floor and mount them and rub vigorously “as if engaged in the sex act.” (Martinson, 1974) Similar reports are scattered throughout the research. (Ley, 1928; Roiphe & Galenson, 1981)
The Kinsey studies also documented 23 girls under the age of 3 who appeared to reach orgasm through self-stimulation. An earlier study by Levy (1928) reported direct genital stimulation in 4 of 26 girls under 3, and over half of the boys. So if you pay close enough attention, the behavior may be more common in small children than we think.
Is childhood Masturbation a sign of abuse?
Absolutely not! Although sexual behavior on the part of children is a common correlate of molestation, it’s far, far more likely that a child discovered this behavior all on their own (or maybe learned it from a friend). You shouldn’t go jumping to conclusions unless you have credible evidence to suspect something else.
How do kids discover Masturbation?
Most children discover the behavior on their own quite by accident. A child’s genitals function no differently than an adult’s, and any number of incidental experiences are capable of providing sexual stimulation. Playing in a sprinkler, jumping into a pool, being carried around an adult’s waist, riding on someone’s shoulders, wrestling, climbing a gym rope, playing on the monkey bars, drying off after a bath, wiping, straddling a chair, riding a horse, playing with a dog, riding a bicycle, diaper changes – there are literally hundreds of different ways in which children experience sexual stimulation through otherwise ordinary contact. (This is one of the reasons parental fears over all things sex are so silly and misguided: Children are having sexual experiences of the incidental variety all the time, including sexual pleasure that might be triggered during interaction with an adult. It’s happening right underneath your nose. We simply don’t pay any attention to these experiences, and thus they slip harmlessly by without incident.)
Masturbateion typically emerges when children have one of these incidental experiences, and then go exploring on their own to try and recreate the pleasurable sensations they felt. Which is why you’ll often see children masturbate using chairs, broomsticks, or other objects: They’re repeating the same formula that triggered this discovery in the first place. If a child’s discovery of these feelings came through physical contact with another person, they’ll typically just use their hands. It usually starts with touching or rubbing over the clothing, because that’s how most incidental sexual experiences are had. But as a child becomes more experienced they often move on to more sophisticated methods.
How kids masturbate
“My first experience with myself was in the preschool age. I would masturbation (I didn’t know that was what it was) by clutching stuffed toys between my legs and sort of wiggling up and down. I remember it very clearly for two reasons: it felt so good, and my mother was so completely horrified when she noticed me doing it. She got very angry, and threatened to take my toys away.”
-A young female (Hite, 1976, p. 70)
Parents are often shocked by such behavior when they first discover it The thought of their child stimulating themselves is difficult enough to begin with, and kids have been known to masturbate in rather colorful and creative ways. So to help you get an idea of the wide range of behaviors that qualify as normal, let’s take a moment to discuss some of the different forms it takes.
Many children masturbate using furniture, usually because they discover these sensations while climbing around on chairs, tables or sofas. “When I was six, I masturbated by straddling a little padded armchair in my mother’s bedroom and rubbed vigorously up and down,” says one woman. “I didn’t bother to close the door – it never even occurred to me.” (Hite, 1976, p. 212)
“Usually I masturbate on the corner chair or something similar with a pillow between my legs,” says one teenage girl. I hump up and down with my legs together. I discovered this method by accident as a child of four, having no idea what I was doing; it just felt good and I’ve been doing it ever since.” (ibid, p. 115) Poles, swing sets, and broomstick handles are also frequently utilized.
Dolls, blankets, and stuffed animals are another common theme, especially among girls. A child may pull a blanket between her legs and slide it like a rope. Many kids have been known to mount large stuffed animals or dolls and then thrust back and forth in a motion that’s way-too similar to sex for their parents’ liking. Or they may rub themselves with a doll or stuffed animal.
A little girl in one of the Pre-k classrooms I worked at would roll over onto her belly every nap time, stick her rear end high in the air and assume the doggie style position, and then use the head of her Elmo doll to stimulate herself to orgasm, at which point she’d lay back down and would be asleep within a minute or two. We teachers had grown accustomed to her behavior, and following developmentally appropriate practices, we let her do her thing, interrupting only to throw a sheet over her when her antics got too graphic and turned into an X-rated display. But parents who walked in at inopportune times were often quite shocked and alarmed by this display, simply because it looked like something you’d see in adult movies, certainly not the type of thing you’d expect coming from a 5-year-old girl.
Internal masturbation is fairly uncommon. Most girls simply apply pressure or friction to the external genitalia. That said, it’s not unheard of, either, nor out of the range of what’s considered normal. Approximately 10%-20% of girls who masturbate will do so using internal stimulation with fingers or other items, either alone or in concert with external stimulation. “In my childhood…I used to put things in my vagina,” says one woman, “from ice cubes to lipsticks – whatever–and once my mother found me asleep with the flashlight between my legs. The warmth was nice.” (Hite, 1976, p. 99) Internal stimulation also becomes a lot more common as children age. By early adolescence most girls will have penetratred themselves at least once, though external masturbation remains by far the preferred method.
Excessive masturbation in children
Another concern parents may have is that their child’s masturbation is excessive. But how do we define excessive? It’s quite common for children to masturbate several times per day, especially in the very beginning when they first pick up the habit. Jada Pinkett Smith says that after her grandmother taught her how to masturbate at age 9, “I actually think I went through kind of an addiction, too, with it…And then one day I was like, ‘Enough. You’re having five orgasms a day!” (US Weekly, July 2, 2018, p. 47) “When I was little,”says another young woman, “I used to spend half the night masturbating over and over again.” (Hite, 1976, p. 169)
Defining what’s excessive as far as frequency is concerned is entirely subjective, but based on my own studies and observations, I’d say that as many as 3-5 times a day is on the high range, but within the realm of normal. Usually the frequency will diminish with age or as the novelty wears off. If it appears as though they can’t control themselves, or that they need to masturbate frequently in order to function, it could be a sign of chronic se*ual arousal syndrome, a rare condition affecting less than 1% of the population that leaves the sufferer in an almost constant state of arousal, therefore needing release in order to function. It’s akin to having an incessant itch that needs to be scratched. This disorder typically emerges in childhood, and can begin as early as age 3. (ABC, 2008)
See also . . .
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